27 June 2006

Mark 1, Dad 0

So there I was! Surrounded by fluffy blankets, diapers, and baby wipes. Having just heard a loud noise come from the direction of my son's rear end, I decided that the best course of action was a frontal assult.

As I approached the changing table with my son in my arms, my sweetie called from her hospital bed, "Do you want me to help?"

Calmly looking over my shoulder I said, "Nah, I got this one." After all, I just saw this done yesterday, I can do it!

I lay little Mark on the table and prepared to launch my attack. Quickly, I opened the diaper and was met with a sight I will never forget. I was shocked and awed. I stood still for a moment wondering if it had seen me.

"Umm..." I said decisively.

I looked right and left, searching for reinforcements, but none were to be had. Things went from bad to worse as I was reminded of the tactic that little Mark had used against the doctors shortly after arriving into the world. I reached out to grab something, anything that I could use to deflect any potential urine attacks. Just as the situation was looking desperate and I was preparing to call for an evac, the door opened and my rescuer arrived.

"Help," I cried meekly while holding my son's legs so as not to dip his bum back in the tar-ish goo from whence it came.

With bold and confident motions my rescuer worked quickly, calling in baby-wipe support and continuing the attack that I had fumbled, no doubt saving my son's bum from continuing yuckification. I watched with amazed curiosity hoping to learn enought so that I too can one day be able to change a poopy diaper.


Yeah, so, newborn poo is nothing like what I had expected. It looks a lot like tar. I was stunned. If my wife's friend hadn't walked in at that exact moment I would have been in serious trouble. I'll head back tomorrow for round two and see how it goes.

If cruise missiles and smart bombs are half as effective at shocking and aweing people as this was they're well worth the investment!


(Mark on said changing table)

(Mark from the left)

(from the right)

This is my son.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehehehehe,great way of telling
a story!!!!!!!!
never heard one like it before:)

cute baby!!!!!
thanks for the pictures too!

andrea/summer pj's

Anonymous Brian said...

Yay for baby... I got to announce from the stage yesterday that I as of that morning I was finally an uncle. Thanks for the pictures. Love you guys,

Anonymous Brian said...

From the pictures I gather that he inherited his fathers longer fingers, indicating to me that someday he will be a great............ ............... .............. Guitar player :)

Anonymous rg said...


Not only are the good guys winning the war against the bad guys, the good guys are multiplying!

Blogger Tom C said...

chuckling: I remember!!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee, Ben. I astonished. You and Robert NEVER did that. Or does my memory betray me. :) Wonderful Katie. Wonderful Ben. Wonderful Mark. God bless you. Dad

Blogger Robert F. Griffing said...

You've got it right with the yuck! Drop some on the insurgants! Or at least make them share the diaper chores with their wives. Maybe we could use some at Club Gitmo--have them singing kumbayah in no time.

We've been oohing at our younger relative's pix all afternoon!!!

Blogger --TBAS said...

Dude, CONGRATZ Bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully, the next mission like this wont require NBC gear.

Blogger AubreyJ said...

Now that was one cute story and one beautiful baby too!!!

Blogger Hanna said...

Feedback? On lil' baby Mark? Is he, uh, a little small? Considering it took me several months to reach his size when I was small...
Congratulations Ben.

Blogger Rob said...

Lil anklebiter has your ears. ;) I know who to go to now if I ever have to take care of any baby tar myself.

Blogger H.W.A. said...

Congrats! The poop gets better I promise! (if better is the right word anyway...) But it only gets better from here, I am so happy for you!

Anonymous Janet said...

Regardless of what angle one views your new son, he is an incredibly beautiful addition to the human race and Daddy, you have every right to be bursting at the seams with pride.

Congratulations for being out front on the diaper detail. Tip: keep an extra diaper over your shoulder for those unexpected moments!

Anonymous Victoria said...

And now you know who is in control of the household!!

He is adorable.

Anonymous Freddie said...

Great post! Gorgeous baby! Congratulations!

Came here from Desert Odyssey.

Thank you for your service.

Blogger Nikki said...

He's beautiful.

Congratulations Daddy.

Blogger Nikki said...

He's beautiful.

Congratulations Daddy.

Blogger dyzgoneby said...

Congrats to the two of you!!!!

The pics of your baby boy, Mark are sooo sweet.

Anonymous MissBirdlegs in AL said...

Gorgeous baby! Congratulations to ALL of you, including the "older" relatives! What a time you're all in for. Love the diaper story.


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