... but what if

I had a conversation with my First Sergeant today. He asked how my family was taking the deployment. Over the course of the conversation I was reminded of something that irritated me back in Germany. When people would find out that I was going to Iraq they would all the sudden want to come see me or talk to me or in some form or fashion let me know that they cared about me. While I appreciated that people were thinking of me, I found that many of these people decided to show their concern in such a way that I got the impression that their motive was that they may never see me again. I found it almost insulting at times when people would give me that look that says, "Oh, you poor soul. Leaving your pregnant wife for Baghdad." It made me want to tear my hair out. Treating me like I had no idea of what I was getting myself into, almost predicting that my kid would be born to a widow. If someone close to you is about to get sent to a combat zone, the best thing you can do to encourage them is let them know that you'll see them when they get back. Don't say things in past-tense or that show you're trying to clear your conscience because you may never get the chance again.

It reminded me a lot of when Mom died. Losing her was tough, but having to recount it for everyone that wanted to express their condolences was infinately more difficult. I know people were trying to be nice, but it had the opposite effect. There is no delicate way to say it when you're in the position, but I wish that people would have just said they were sorry and moved on. Talking about their fondest memories of my mom did not comfort me, it made me relive her death over and over.

I've learned that despite my curiosity, the best thing that I can do is let someone know that I'm concerned and if they want anything they just have to ask. That way I'm not putting them through the additional pain I went through. I hate to sound like I'm angry at the people who were trying to reach out to me when I was going through tough times, but in an effort to help those people understand the affect they actually had (and to get it off my chest) I felt that I should say it.